Oh, it’s such fun!

Yesterday morning we decided to go out for breakfast. But instead of just heading to ‘our’ pub in Morningside, we decided at the last minute to head to Edinburgh’s Royal Mile. As the day was sunny and warm, we got off the bus in Bruntsfield and walked through the park to the city centre. A wonderful stroll, barefeet on the partly damp grass. Bliss!

We headed for The Filling Station – an American diner style bar. Sadly, all outdoors seats were taken so we headed indoors. Having browsed the menues we’d been handed, we ordered our lunch of Jambalaya (me) and a burger with blue cheese (L) while we enjoyed a pitcher of ‘Apple Grapple’ – a mix of liqueur and apple juice. Delicious! It was only later that we realised they had separate breakfast and lunch menues with meals at lower prices. We weren’t too impressed and will certainly remember next time.

After our lunch, we wandered down the road to the Edinburgh Dungeon. We used £5 off vouchers printed of the back of our bus tickets (all visitors to Edinburgh – check your bus tickets! It’s worth it!) but the entrance fee was still a steep tenner each. It seemed a bit expensive but we kept an open mind.

We were kept waiting around 20 minutes, until enough visitors had come in to form a decent group of around 20 victims. That wasn’t the most impressive start. The waiting room was small, with little air, a few benches, and three boards with information about some unsavoury characters who we were likely to hear more about during our tour. If visitors are expected to wait there, I would have expected some torture props or ghostly photos displayed. As it was, we were twiddling our thumbs for a little too long.

Finally, the tour got under way. We were ushered along a dark corridor to a ‘court room’, where a ‘judge’ held court. She ordered two visitors into the dock, on different charges, of course. Funny but not too exciting. And definitely not scary. Then we were ushered onwards to the next bit – meeting a ‘torturer’. He displayed a couple of instruments and demonstrated on an unsuspecting victim how they were used. Not even the kids in the group were scared. And on it went, with actors (most likely students who seemed a bit bored having to tell the same tale dozens of times each day) mostly telling us about horrible cannibalistic families from coastal Ayrshire, William Wallace’s gruesome death (which I’d read about years before Braveheart cause a craze, so nothing new there), and spooky Mary King’s Close, where the most ‘exciting’ thing that happened was a bang accompanied by a flying curtain. Some props, like the boat trip through a ‘cave’ were a little scary, especially for the kids. There were bits hanging off the ceiling and on the sides that touched people. The story of the Bean family was read out in the background, but it was all more suggestive than terrifying. I remember taking a similar ghost ride on a fun fair around 30 years ago – that was far more scary, with props jumping out and actors touching you. Of course, the ‘elf n safety brigade wouldn’t allow such drama these days. How dull!

A ‘dissection’ of a corpse was rather boring, with the actress pulling out various plastic innards – even the kids didn’t laugh at that. And a famous Scottish actor doing a William Wallace speech on a screen was just plain silly.

The tour ended with a ‘hanging’ – and those of a delicate disposition were ushered into a room where they’d watch the rest of us. The ride was good, with us lined up in seats, secured safely. We were hoisted up to 5 metres (I guess) to watch a ‘judge’ sentence us to death by hanging – and then the ride dropped sharply, simulating a hanging. That was good fun and is not to be missed.

Overall, we were herded about like sheep, from one room to another. The effects weren’t as gruesome as I might have expected of a dungeon. I wanted to see prisoners in cells, torture instruments and more history, especially about how Edinburgh’s own prisoners fared over the centuries. Sadly, all that was missing. We’ve been to it now – no need to go back soon.

Once released from the dungeons, we made our way back to the Royal Mile to one of our favourite pubs there: the Albanach. Two bottles of pear cider and two cranachans indoors later, we managed to secure an outside table and two chairs. More pear cider and a couple of glasses of wine followed. With tap water! Can’t get too drunk too quickly…

While sitting there, people watching, a older couple came and asked if two chairs between us and the next table were vacant. That was a clear sign that they were European. No Brits would dare ask – they’d go indoors. After a little while, we started chatting. It turned out that the gentleman was Swedish and she was German. Quickly the talk turned to their home countries, which we’ve both been to recently. Somehow we ended up talking history – and I ended up explaining what the Jacobites were and their aims and purposes. And their losses in battle. In turn, Jan told us about a Swedish (protestant) king who had secretly supported the Stuart cause in order to hold the Russians at bay. Ah, history, conspiracies and politics. I was in my element.

I also found out a couple of other fascinating snippets which I might bring into my Scottish WIP if I can fit them in. We exchanged emails so I’ll hopefully find out more later.

We sat out there for about four hours. People watching, listening for foreign languages – Italian, German, Spanish, American – and enjoying a glass or two in the warm evening air. Bliss!

Eventually, around 8pm, we made our way back, again through the park, and hopping onto the bus at Bruntsfield to take us home. What a fab day!